I believe the number one trap that I tend to fall into is thinking that enlightenment comes through denying my humanity. What I mean by that is, a lot of times when I get to a point where my heart is feeling more open and I feel ready to go deeper into my spiritual path, even though I’m always on it, my mind starts telling me that, to be really spiritual, I need to be reading my Bible every day, working out, eating healthy, praying constantly, going to church, avoiding anything sinful, and just generally being a perfect version of myself.

But that’s the trap. That’s me performing, not for others, but for God. It’s like my ego wants to prove to the universe, “Hey, look! I’m holy! I’m spiritual! I’m good!” But in truth, that performance is me denying my humanity. I’m chasing perfection as if it’s holiness, and I’m missing the entire point.

Being human means being imperfect. It means messing up, getting things wrong, and still being held in divine grace. The more I push myself to do all the “right” things, the further away from God I actually feel. Because it’s not coming from my soul, it’s coming from ego. The ego lies. It says: If you’re not perfect, you’re not worthy. But perfection isn’t the point.

When I let go of all that, when I just sit in my humanness, that’s when I actually feel closest to God. That’s when I’m honest. That’s when I can cry during a romcom while eating ice cream and know I’m still on the path. That’s when I can spend an entire Sunday doing nothing and still be loved. I’m not saying that’s the goal, but I am saying that denying that reality, that tendency, that imperfection, denying that, is what actually pulls me further from the truth.

I used to think breaking generational trauma meant becoming rich. That if I provided generational wealth, I’d be the one who broke the cycle. But the truth is, I already did. Not through money, but through introspection. Through therapy. Through learning how to forgive, how to love, how to be empathetic. Through learning emotional intelligence. I’ve already broken the chain by healing myself.

I think the phrase “I’m going on a spiritual journey” is sometimes misleading. Because it implies that the journey starts now. But the truth is, you’ve always been on it. Even in your worst moments. Even when you were the villain in someone else’s story. You were still walking that path. And the twists and turns, the forgetting, the falling, the rising again, that is the journey.

Shadow work isn’t cute. It’s not crystals and incense and vibes. It’s therapy sessions where you cry your eyes out, throw up, mask, unmask, spiral, and maybe waste half the session pretending you’re fine. It’s realizing you’re performing even in front of your therapist. And then, in the last five minutes, you finally show up real.

Real spiritual growth is about figuring out how to be human. It’s about allowing yourself to fall, and knowing that’s okay. It’s about knowing that you’re not a monk, you’re not Jesus, you’re not perfect. And you’re not supposed to be. You’re just supposed to be.

Especially for men, this is hard. Because we’re taught to suppress every emotion except anger. So every other emotion funnels into that one: grief, loss, sadness, loneliness, all showing up as rage. It’s every man’s duty to learn how to feel. Not just to cry, but to feel. To teach our children how to feel. To break that cycle.

Emotions aren’t weakness. They’re part of being alive. And the journey to enlightenment, if there even is such a thing, is really just learning how to love yourself while being the most imperfect creature alive. It’s not about never falling. It’s about getting in the arena anyway, knowing you’ll fall, and doing it anyway.

My therapist told me, “Nick, you like to sit in the stands. You’re scared to get in the arena because you’re afraid to fall.” And she was right. But if you never get in the arena, you never live. Just like when I take a trade, I have to accept there’s a chance I’ll hit the stop loss. That doesn’t mean I don’t trade. That means I’m alive.

And when you fall, you don’t need to beat yourself up. You just get back up. You don’t need to pray every day. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to remember that God’s got you. He knows you’re human. He built you. And He’s not surprised when you mess up.

Even if I don’t talk to Him every day, if I even think of Him, if my heart goes to Him at all, He has me. Just like a parent who hasn’t heard from their kid in a month, and the kid calls home, and the parent is just happy to hear their voice. That’s God.

So no, enlightenment isn’t perfection. Enlightenment is not denying your humanity. It’s leaning all the way into it. It’s knowing you’ll never be done, and that’s okay. It’s knowing you don’t need another self-help book or another course. It’s knowing you just need to sit quietly with yourself. And that you, messy, flawed, healing, stumbling, forgetting, remembering you, are already on the path.

You’re already in the arena. You’re already doing it. Just love yourself as you go.