My name is Nick and this is my first YouTube video. But somehow, it doesn’t feel like the first. It feels like something I’ve been walking toward for a long time. This video is about discomfort. Not just as a feeling, but as a compass. A signal. A North Star. The things I avoid most are often the things that are most important to face.

One of those things? Being seen. I crave being understood. And yet I fear being visible. I want to share my thoughts with the world and at the same time, I’m haunted by the idea of old high school classmates seeing this. Which is wild, because I haven’t been in high school in almost a decade. I don’t think about those people in my real life, but the fear of their judgment still lingers.

But I’m learning that growth requires exposure. If I want to heal the wound of judgment, I have to walk through the discomfort of visibility. That’s why I’m recording this. No edits. No script. Just me right here, right now.

I’ve realized lately that I already am everything I once prayed for. Five years ago, I wished for a condo. A relationship. A dog. Stability. Love. And now? I have all of that. So if I keep showing gratitude for what is, I stop living in a state of lack. I start growing roots. I become a tree.

Gratitude grounds you.

And here’s the story that really hit me: my therapist told me about a man who prayed every day to win the lottery. He dies, reaches the pearly gates, and asks God why he never won. And God says, “You never bought a ticket.”

That’s what this is for me. This video. This moment. This is me buying the ticket.

I’m shifting my core beliefs. Not just my behaviors. Not just my thoughts. But the deep, childhood-rooted beliefs that have shaped my life. Through therapy. Through EMDR. Through reparenting my inner child. I’m finding him again and this time, I’m choosing to love him.

I’ve also realized I’ve been living in surface-level healing. But real transformation happens below the waterline, at the belief level. That’s where change takes root.

So I’m facing the camera. I’m letting myself be seen. I’m walking through the fire. Because at the other side of discomfort is transformation.

Gratitude is also a radical act. It’s not pity. It’s not guilt. It’s saying: “Wow. I get to have this.” And when I express gratitude for what I have, I honor those who don’t. Like the soldiers in Attack on Titan, whose lives are remembered by those who live on, my gratitude is remembrance. It’s resistance. It’s love.

Empathy might be limited. But gratitude? Gratitude overflows.

I’m building a reality that matches my spiritual affirmations. That reflects my healing. That reflects my groundedness. I affirm that I am already wealthy, already successful, already whole—and I trust that my external life will follow suit.

This is just the beginning. I don’t know how often I’ll post. Maybe every day. Maybe a few times a week. But I’m here now.

I’m buying the ticket.

Thanks for listening.