Who am I? That question can’t be answered without first honoring who I was.
I was an outgoing, energetic child, a child who wanted nothing more than to be seen and loved. Over time, that need for love became confused; all attention became good attention, even the wrong kind. I began to adapt, subconsciously molding myself to fit into groups, to be accepted, to be wanted. Even among close friends, I often felt unseen, like we were walking different paths. And the more people I was around, the lonelier I felt. There were so many moments I would retreat from parties, from social settings, just to be alone. Not because I hated being there, but because something inside me felt disconnected. I didn’t know who I was.
In my early twenties, I had a breakthrough. I realized I’d been living off the fumes of trauma. Anger, envy, depression; they were my fuel. I had never really lived, just survived. My life was full of loss, grief, and spiritual warfare. Death found me young. The holiest people I knew, my grandparents, suffered. And that wrecked me. I was raised Catholic, however that had me question everything. I denied God. I resented Him. I acted in spite of Him.
But even in my rebellion, God never left. I couldn’t see it then. I see it now. Every step I took, even in anger, even in darkness, He walked beside me. He guided me. He carried me.
Therapy opened the door to healing. Journaling cracked open the dam. EMDR showed me my inner child, the one who still cried out for safety and love. And I embraced him. I began to reparent myself. I began to rebuild my relationship with God, not out of obligation, not to earn anything, but out of curiosity, gratitude, and love. I began to see God as my best friend.
So who am I now?
I am someone who overcame. I am someone who walked through hell and came out whole. I no longer fight with sword and shield, only with hands in prayer. I’m emotional. Empathic. Sensitive. I cry often and feel deeply. I love my fiancée, Julianne, my family, my dog Willow, and the quiet time I spend with myself. What once was isolation and self-punishment is now peace.
I am a visionary. A revolutionary. Not someone following orders on a battlefield, not even someone giving them. I’m the one questioning the definition of war itself. I think beyond, feel beyond, dream beyond. I want to build. To create. To design. To photograph. To write. To animate. To film. I want to make art that matters.
I’m not meant for the nine-to-five. I’m here to make something new. And I believe creative work is 90% spirit, 10% skill. Skill can be learned. Spirit must be remembered.
That’s what life is: remembering. We were told who we were before we were born, and our only task is to remember.
So who am I? I am someone becoming. Someone arriving. A God-fearing man in love with life. Still healing. Still transforming. Still shedding anger and fear. Still releasing the generational burdens I refuse to pass down.
I am chosen. I am called. I am loved. And every day, I’m walking further into the truth of who I’ve always been.
